I haven't written in a couple of days because I've been really busy. My husband and I are under contract for our first home together. I'm really excited to finally have a place that I call home!! However, the amount of paperwork that has to be done in the next two weeks is awful. Especially because it is Christmas time and a lot of people are not working for the next week or so.
Right now I'm struggling with all of the celebrations coming up. I have a plan in place to fight Christmas goodies and late night get togethers with old friends when I'm at my parents house. However, since we bought a house everyone in our families wants to take us out to dinner to celebrate. I don't know how to tell some people "no" if they know I've gone out with other people. I've already suggested one big dinner with everyone together, but as I've previously posted, I have a dysfunctional family. I have aunts that won't talk to each other, people on house arrest that can only leave during certain times, and a slew of other issues that surround why my family won't get together over the holidays. So, if anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them.
Back to a positive note I have worked out everyday this week. That is a first for me in a long time. My legs are so sore it makes it hard to stand up or sit down, but my fitness philosophy is "you can be sore tomorrow or sorry tomorrow, you make the choice." I would much rather be sore and proud of the hard work that I put in at the gym the night before. I'd also take some advice on how to handle the soreness. I already do a ton of stretches and ice massages after the gym, but any other strategies people have I would love to hear!!
I hope that everyone has a wonderful holiday and a great new years eve!!
Friday, December 23, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Why? (173.4 lbs)
Everyone who has a history of overeating has a reason why. For me, it was the only way to feel in control of my life. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home with dysfunctional extending family. I didn't really have anywhere to go. I didn't want to tell anyone what was going on behind closed doors because I was afraid of being judged. When you're 12 years old all you want it to fit in with the crowd. So, I started eating to deal with the pain and chaos. That was the only thing I felt I had control over in my life.
My eating got worse in college with all the group projects, exams, and studying I was doing. I never felt like I had enough time for myself because my life wasn't balanced. I wasn't prepared to be in my own, not like this. I knew how to have a job and be responsible in a team setting, but I'd never taken time for myself. The only thing I knew how to do well was eat.
Eventually I started going to counseling because internalizing my feelings was making everything worse. I needed to learn to talk to people. So far that has been a huge help and I don't eat food alone nearly as often. However, I do still eat a whole bag of donuts if I'm dealing with something emotionally draining. A bad day at work doesn't do it for me. At this point in my life, only family confrontations cause me problems. I'm taking pride in my small victory of being able to identify the problem. I've learned that taking control is about me determining the outcome whenever I have that option. So, when I'm dealing with family problems it is my reaction to the problem that I can control, not the other person. I keep my house stocked with only healthy foods and I've started to making it a habit to ride my exercise bike when I'm upset or angry. It helps get rid of a lot of built of tension and deal with the issue in a positive way.
My weight loss journey is about taking control of my emotions and my life. It is about finally being able to talk about my feelings. It is about learning to take joy in the small things instead of only focusing on the negative. I know this isn't going to be an easy path because I'm attempting to eradicate a mindset that's been around for 24 years. I'm sick of feeling down on myself, never being proud of my accomplishments, and I'm ready for a change.
Tomorrow I will post about my goals and how I plan to achieve them!!!
My eating got worse in college with all the group projects, exams, and studying I was doing. I never felt like I had enough time for myself because my life wasn't balanced. I wasn't prepared to be in my own, not like this. I knew how to have a job and be responsible in a team setting, but I'd never taken time for myself. The only thing I knew how to do well was eat.
Eventually I started going to counseling because internalizing my feelings was making everything worse. I needed to learn to talk to people. So far that has been a huge help and I don't eat food alone nearly as often. However, I do still eat a whole bag of donuts if I'm dealing with something emotionally draining. A bad day at work doesn't do it for me. At this point in my life, only family confrontations cause me problems. I'm taking pride in my small victory of being able to identify the problem. I've learned that taking control is about me determining the outcome whenever I have that option. So, when I'm dealing with family problems it is my reaction to the problem that I can control, not the other person. I keep my house stocked with only healthy foods and I've started to making it a habit to ride my exercise bike when I'm upset or angry. It helps get rid of a lot of built of tension and deal with the issue in a positive way.
My weight loss journey is about taking control of my emotions and my life. It is about finally being able to talk about my feelings. It is about learning to take joy in the small things instead of only focusing on the negative. I know this isn't going to be an easy path because I'm attempting to eradicate a mindset that's been around for 24 years. I'm sick of feeling down on myself, never being proud of my accomplishments, and I'm ready for a change.
Tomorrow I will post about my goals and how I plan to achieve them!!!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Day 1 (173.2 lbs)
I have never been the person to open up to people and just lay my feelings on the table. Having a blog is a very vulnerable thing for me, even if it is anonymous. I grew up in a small town with brick laid streets and everyone sat on their front porches in the summer drinking ice tea. The type of town where everyone pretending to be perfect, but no one really was once they were inside and the doors were closed. That has led to a lot of complication in my adult life that have taken years to sort through. I've come out of it a much more positive person and now I'm ready to make a lifestyle change. One of my biggest weight loss mantras is "nothing if change if nothing changes." Not only is that true in healthy eating and exercise, but it also stands true in the habits that led to those unhealthy behaviors.
A little bit of background on me is that growing up I was a dancer and I ran track. Most people have no clue how hard or time consuming being a dancer is when you are doing it competitively. By dance I mean I was practicing almost 20-40 hours a week, on top of running, holding a part-time job, and maintaining a good high school GPA. I mainly did it to be out of my house, but it was also a lot of fun. I had the opportunity to travel all over the USA for competitions and dance camps. My team was very successful because of all of all of the hard work we put in every week. I was very active for the four years I was in high school. Then college came around and a lot of bad habits
In college I spent more time sitting around to study and I started drinking, like a lot of college kids do when they are away from their parents for the first time. Over the course of 4 years I had put on 25 pounds. The weight gain was so gradual that I didn't even notice it. My eating habits were awful as well. I didn't fall prey to the late night fast food runs or eating pizza five days a week. My problem was I went to a small school that had very limited cafeteria hours. So, I got in the habit if stuffing myself because I didn't know if I would make it to the next meal. So, once I graduated it has taken a couple of years to get adjusted to eating on my own schedule. I make my food and I can eat it whenever I want. I don't have to wait on someone else to do it for me.
That bad habit has led me to gain another 10 pounds in just over a year of having my first professional job. I sit at a computer for 8 hours a day, coach the college dance team in the evenings, and I'm not getting enough sleep. Having that lifestyle does not work well with stuffing my face at every meal. The didn't really notice the weight gain because I compare myself to other people. I am the same size as my friends.....so there isn't an issue right? Well then i saw pictures of myself with a double chin, realized I couldn't walk to the third floor of my building without getting out of breathe, and I had no energy to go home and play with my new puppy. That was not healthy.
Over the past 5 years I've tried lots of fitness plans and diets. I always fail because I lose a lot of weight really fast, but it is not sustainable. I never changed any of my habits. Well, I'm finally to the point in my life that I have to take control of my outcomes. I am married, financially stable, in the process of buying a home, and ready to take time for me. For years I've done what was needed to achieve my goals, but it was never for me. Now this is a goal that is only for me and I'm willing to put in the time and effort it takes to get me to a healthier place.
I am fortunate to work at a university because I get a free gym membership and access to a lot of free healthy services. I have never taken advantage of them, but this winter I will start. They are doing a "fit for life" challenge that isn't only about losing weight. You get points for exercising, weigh-in, attending healthy living information sessions and so much more. We are on teams of 4, so I have a support system in place, but it is with my co-workers. I need that support system on the weekends or over holiday breaks. So, this blog is here to help me set realistic goals and keep them!!
A little bit of background on me is that growing up I was a dancer and I ran track. Most people have no clue how hard or time consuming being a dancer is when you are doing it competitively. By dance I mean I was practicing almost 20-40 hours a week, on top of running, holding a part-time job, and maintaining a good high school GPA. I mainly did it to be out of my house, but it was also a lot of fun. I had the opportunity to travel all over the USA for competitions and dance camps. My team was very successful because of all of all of the hard work we put in every week. I was very active for the four years I was in high school. Then college came around and a lot of bad habits
In college I spent more time sitting around to study and I started drinking, like a lot of college kids do when they are away from their parents for the first time. Over the course of 4 years I had put on 25 pounds. The weight gain was so gradual that I didn't even notice it. My eating habits were awful as well. I didn't fall prey to the late night fast food runs or eating pizza five days a week. My problem was I went to a small school that had very limited cafeteria hours. So, I got in the habit if stuffing myself because I didn't know if I would make it to the next meal. So, once I graduated it has taken a couple of years to get adjusted to eating on my own schedule. I make my food and I can eat it whenever I want. I don't have to wait on someone else to do it for me.
That bad habit has led me to gain another 10 pounds in just over a year of having my first professional job. I sit at a computer for 8 hours a day, coach the college dance team in the evenings, and I'm not getting enough sleep. Having that lifestyle does not work well with stuffing my face at every meal. The didn't really notice the weight gain because I compare myself to other people. I am the same size as my friends.....so there isn't an issue right? Well then i saw pictures of myself with a double chin, realized I couldn't walk to the third floor of my building without getting out of breathe, and I had no energy to go home and play with my new puppy. That was not healthy.
Over the past 5 years I've tried lots of fitness plans and diets. I always fail because I lose a lot of weight really fast, but it is not sustainable. I never changed any of my habits. Well, I'm finally to the point in my life that I have to take control of my outcomes. I am married, financially stable, in the process of buying a home, and ready to take time for me. For years I've done what was needed to achieve my goals, but it was never for me. Now this is a goal that is only for me and I'm willing to put in the time and effort it takes to get me to a healthier place.
I am fortunate to work at a university because I get a free gym membership and access to a lot of free healthy services. I have never taken advantage of them, but this winter I will start. They are doing a "fit for life" challenge that isn't only about losing weight. You get points for exercising, weigh-in, attending healthy living information sessions and so much more. We are on teams of 4, so I have a support system in place, but it is with my co-workers. I need that support system on the weekends or over holiday breaks. So, this blog is here to help me set realistic goals and keep them!!
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